I don’t particularly like Taylor Swift’s music…it can be a bit too sappy for me, but she does have a pretty sweet voice and a thing for words.
I love what she wrote on her playlist…though ironically, the music…not really. By Needtobreathe, how real is it to think…Could we stay and say enough to change my mind
How often have I felt that way, a little too close for comfort.
I haven’t posted in here for a long while, not that it matters…and not that anyone reads this. But I feel compelled to pen down some thoughts before 2010 ends. And time does seem to spiral out of control. I am not one to take pictures….the lack of pictoral evidence of the last 10 years of my life does alarm me at times. So…well, perhaps I’d have some words to fall back on.
On many counts, 2010 has shown me…that God is really merciful and He has blessed me in too many ways. I am truly undeserving. More so than I have ever, ever been. And I don’t for one moment think that I truly did this with my own effort. I cannot even fathom it. I am, by far, the most unlikely person to pass a driving test…but I did, somehow. Despite the fact that terror still grips my throat and I stop breathing for 5 secs when things happen on the road…even when I’m a passenger. It is indeed very warped. My uncle found it the funniest thing ever…sigh, don’t blame him. And when Gab curses female drivers on the road, I can’t help but agree. I mean, seriously?!
And everything that I have faced so far at work…is more divine planning than anything. All things work for the good of those who love Him, and I truly see that falling into place. Every single thing…from my colleagues (the good and the bad), my students (ditto), the work, the periods of utter exhaustion and frustration, the moments of joy, of peace… Today marks the last day that I stood before the band and watched them perform. I hadn’t felt so proud of them since KII. And as much as I thought I hardly knew music, I realised that I do feel it. That distinct moment when the horns nailed their last note, when B surged with praise…for once I felt that hey, I truly recognised and felt the music. That music does truly feed the soul, and I am thankful for having experienced that over the last 2.5 years. And they have truly taught me as much as I have taught them.
And yet…or so?, on many other counts…I still feel as … I can’t quite find the word. My English must really suck…hurhur. One wonders, if what everyone yearns for in life, doesn’t quite exist. I want to be challenged, and yet I want to breathe. I want to do, and yet I can’t just do. I want to love, and yet I can’t quite learn to give unconditionally.
But I don’t know how I do it either.
And so…2010 ends on a mark of unending confusion.
